Every year, a couple of seasons in the school year convince me that I am in the wrong calling. Things build up and I become overwhelmed with what a failure I am as a teacher. I look around at the clutter, the kids who are struggling, the parent emails, and I figure that I am not cut out for this.

I watch the teachers in movies and TV who are always so sweet, perky, loving, meeting every child’s needs, saving children from poverty, ignorance, family situations…and they somehow manage to remain looking beautiful throughout the entire day (true story – one of my kids journaled that they liked how my hair looked…in the morning. Apparently by afternoon, it wasn’t up to standard!).

Sometimes I feel like I am drowning just trying to keep up, much less being like one of these “super teachers”.

I hate the feelings of weakness and insufficiency when I don’t have the answers. My pride retaliates at the idea that I have not “arrived” in my skills as a teacher.  I look at the  heavy responsibility for shepherding my students spiritually and academically, and my knees buckle beneath the weight.

God recently reminded me of the story of Joshua. He had a gigantic responsibility to lead the entire nation of God’s chosen people. He had huge shoes (er…sandals) to fill from the former leader, Moses. And God placed before him an enormous task of going in and conquering the Promised Land. I can’t help but wonder if Joshua had any feelings of insecurity or uncertainty similar to the feelings that plague me.

So at the beginning of the book of Joshua, God gave him some instructions and reassurance.  Typically reassurances from our well meaning friends and family members include listing our accomplishments and qualities and why we are perfect for the position.

That’s not what God did.

Not once did He list all of the reasons He chose Joshua to lead the people.

Not once did He remind Joshua of all of his qualifications to be the leader of Israel.

Nowhere does He sing Joshua’s praises.

Nope, God wasn’t trying to bolster Joshua’s self esteem as he faced a difficult, possibly overwhelming task.

Instead, God reminded Joshua of who was going to be with him as he faced this enormous responsibility.

Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave your or forsake you. (Joshua 1:5b)

Have not I commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9)

Can you imagine the feeling of relief, security, & confidence that must have enveloped Joshua?  It’s okay, because God is going with me! The same God who repeatedly showed his faithfulness to Moses is the same God promising to be with me!

When I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of my responsibility, I must remember that the same God of Abraham, Moses, Joshua, Gideon, Esther, and David is the same God who is with me as I enter the classroom every day.

My assurance in times of uncertainty and difficulty must be in God’s character, not my qualifications. The solution to feeling overwhelmed is not to try to convince myself what a great teacher I am – it’s to turn my gaze to my amazing God and His promises to me in His Word!

Joshua is not the superhero leader swooping in to save the people of Israel.  God is the superhero  of this story…and He is also the superhero of my story and my students’ stories.

When I try to become the superhero in my own story, I face immense discouragement and frustration…because I realize I am woefully inadequate.  I have taught fractions every way that I know how and Johnny still doesn’t get it.  I have pulled every trick out of my bag to help Sarah pay attention in class to no avail. I don’t have the patience to repeat what page we are on for the fourth time.  I don’t know how to respond to that parent email or phone call without getting defensive. I don’t know how to keep my hair looking good all day long instead of just the morning!

I am not a super teacher.

But I have a super incredible God.

And the secret I must always remember  is that I am merely a tool in my super incredible God’s hands.

When I walk into my classroom each day, I am not walking in alone.  I am walking in…

• Accepted & beloved through Jesus Christ though I deserve to be cast aside & punished. My acceptance is based on grace and not what I accomplish for God today.

 Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life. (John 5:24)

• With the power of God working in and through me. The same power that created the world, split the Red Sea, felled the walls of Jericho, and raised the dead is the same power at work in me and my students. Wow!

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us. (Eph. 3:20)

• With the prayers and intercession of Jesus Christ & the Holy Spirit on my behalf before the throne of God.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God (Romans 8:26-27)

I can breathe when I realize that I am just the tool, not the superhero.

Now, of course, I am not advocating a simplistic “let go and let God” approach whereby you never attend professional development, search for new ideas, and grow in your knowledge because, after all, “God’s got it covered!” Joshua didn’t just sit back and hope that God would make sure it all happened okay. God gave him instructions to stay in God’s Word and be careful to obey (Joshua 1:7-8). Joshua had to step out in faith and actually lead the children of Israel. Joshua had work to do, and so do we!

If I am going to be a tool in God’s hands, I want to be the best tool that I can be! So I will seek to grow and expand my skills…but at the end of the day, I realize that without God, I am nothing.  You can have a beautiful, strong, & powerful tool that is the best tool available on the market…but if it’s not in the hand of someone who can use it…it’s nothing, just sitting there on the tool bench. On the flip side, many a great master has done incredible work with a tool that is not the newest and best. The Master’s skill is the key, but we want to be well prepared tools for His use.

So relax your expectations for yourself to be a “super teacher”.  Rest securely & confidently, knowing that everything does not solely depend on you! You are a tool in the hand of a loving, powerful Heavenly Father. His presence & His power are enough of a reassurance to face the overwhelming.  Stay close to Him, depend on Him instead of your limited abilities and resources. He delights to use broken things for His glory!

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might (Eph. 6:10)

The work never ends.

These kids are soooo lazy.

My students’ parents are completely unreasonable.

My administrator doesn’t understand.

These expectations are ridiculous!

Sometimes the complaints tumble from my lips while at other times they tumble round and round in my heart and mind throughout the day.

They swirl around and around until my joy has been completely sapped. I look around at my circumstances in despair and frustration. A resentment begins to build against people and circumstances that seem to be disrupting what I believe my life ought to be. And before I know it, that resentment has grown to include God – because, after all, isn’t He the One who is allowing these things?

And Satan leans back, rubbing his hands in glee as I lead myself down a path that leads to bitterness and unfruitfulness for Christ.

You see, those complaints were the beginning shoots of a weed that would grow stronger and stronger as I dwelt on them, ultimately stretching out their stems and leaves to try and choke out the life in my relationship with God and others.

And just as it’s not enough to take a pair of garden shears and lop off  the weed that we can see on the surface, it’s not enough to just “try harder” to not complain.

We must get to the root of the problem to eradicate it.

So how can we root out complaining

Realize what is at the heart of ingratitude

I did a lot of reading in college and barely remember most of what was in my freshman textbooks. However, I will always remember a quote from my Old Testament Survey book by Paul Benware. He said that “complaining is an attack on the love and character of God.”  Ouch. So often I categorize complaining as a “little” sin (if that!). I like to sugarcoat it with terms like “venting” or “sharing my concerns”.

Yet each complaining word that leaves my mouth is a slap in the face of my Father.

I was once a sinner who deserved immense punishment for my rebellion against the One who had created me. I deserved to be separated from Him forever.

He chose to adopt me into His family and gave His own perfect Son to take the punishment in my place.

I am a chosen member of the  King’s family, and He has given me so many promises. That He will be faithful. That He will love me unconditionally. That He will provide for me. That He is good and sovereignly  directing my life for His glory and my good. All of these promises and blessings are because of grace – I deserve Hell, but I got a Heavenly Father and a Son’s inheritance.

And not only has He given me the hope of an eternal home and a relationship with Him, but he has given me so many temporal blessings. The beauty of a sunset. The sound of the wind in the trees. A smile from a loved one. A home. A job.  Grace upon Grace. Goodness upon goodness. He has given me so much!

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth…For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. (Col. 1:14,16)

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases,who redeems your life from the pit,who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.  (Psalms 103:1-5)

And yet I zoom in on what I don’t have or don’t like. At  the center of my complaining heart is a heart that believes it deserves better than what God has given it. My lips sing that God is “my all in all” while my heart accuses Him that He is not enough. ..I must have Him and these circumstances going in my favor. Lord, help me keep my focus on all the blessings that you have given me!

Is the gratitude that flows out of your life as abounding as the grace that has flowed into your life? (Nancy Leigh Demoss Wolgemuth)

A complaining heart is also a heart that fails to believe God’s promises. We can surely quote Romans 8:28-29 all day long, but then we complain about that student or parent that God has brought into our lives. Wait, does Romans 8:28-29 only refer to some things working out for good? Is that issue with a parent, student, or coworker an exception to that promise of God?

Confess your heart of ingratitude

I am so quick to skip over confession. God convicts me of something, and I determine that I will do better…but do I actually take the time to stop and confess it to Him? After all, remember that our complaining hearts are a direct attack against Him! Complaining is not just a little faux pas, a minor “slip up” in good behavior. It is an act of rebellion against the One who gave all for us.

Let me encourage you to go beyond just a quick prayer that asks God to “forgive you for complaining”. Get alone with Him. Take time to meditate on Scripture that shows what God has to say about complaining. Confess to Him which specific promises and character traits you are failing to believe when you complain.

Grow a heart of gratitude

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Col. 3:17, emphasis added)

Start your morning with praise – as you get ready in the morning, turn on some good music that will focus your mind on what God has done for you. As you shower and prepare your breakfast, check where your thoughts are going. Are you continually thinking about how tired you are, how much grading you have to do, the unfair demands of a parent, or the discipline problems of a student? Replace those thoughts with a time of praising God in prayer. Start thanking Him for what He has given you, what He has promised you for the day, and Who He is. Keep a gratitude journal.  Throughout the day, when you are tempted to complain verbally or in your heart, refuse to dwell on those complaints a single moment. Turn them into prayer and praise.

Lord, I confess I am so frustrated at this student right now. He just will not turn in his homework! But you know what is going on. You knew that I would come up against this issue again today. Thank you that you are wanting to use this situation to grow both this student and myself. Lord, I don’t know how to help him – but I thank you that YOU promise to give wisdom to anyone who asks for it. I can’t handle this on my own, but thank you that I don’t have to! Thank you for the grace that you have given me when I failed to meet your standards.

I love this quote from Nancy Leigh Demoss Wolgemuth:

I have learned in every circumstance that comes my way, I can choose to respond in one of two ways: I can whine or I can worship.

Replace your whining with worship! Share that worship with others and allow them to revel in the blessings that God has given instead of commiserating together over what is going wrong.

Let me promise you – it will be a battle. Just as you have to continually be on your guard with those pesky weeds in your garden and will continue to fight them, you must continually be on your guard in fighting a heart of ingratitude.  Saturate yourself in God’s Word. Determine that you will choose, by the grace of God, to respond in worship & praise to whatever circumstances that God brings your way.

Yes, there are many things that are difficult in teaching – but the secret to peace and gratitude is realizing that God knows, has allowed those things, and promises to be with you and help you in them.

Remember the words of Paul, sitting in a filthy jail – unfairly imprisoned in horrible circumstances, separated from friends & family, unable to continue his ministry in the way that he had planned.

I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Phil. 4:11b-13)

 

*I heartily recommend the book Choosing Gratitude by Nancy Leigh DeMoss if you are looking for a solid, Biblical approach to joy & gratitude.

It was a Wednesday evening at prayer meeting.

Wednesdays are loooong days of the week for me. Many times I drag myself into prayer meeting feeling a little more dead than alive. By that point, my hair has fallen limply out of its curls.  My make-up didn’t survive the day, and I probably have a large pen mark on my shirt or skirt.

My pastor had us open to the book of Proverbs that night…to a chapter and verse I am sure that I have read before. It was never a verse that had really stuck out to me, though.

Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the   strength of the ox.  (Prov. 14:4)

It just didn’t seem like the verse I would have prettily scripted out in calligraphy on scrapbook paper and stuck to my bathroom mirror.

But as my pastor read Proverbs 14:4 that night, I found myself perking up and smiling instantly. It described me and my classroom perfectly!

The verse essentially teaches that if you don’t have any oxen – you’ve got a really clean barn…but not much productivity.  On the other hand, if you have oxen, you’ve got more of a mess, but you also have a huge blessing in the help that they can be.

Sooooo, I wouldn’t say that my classroom is quite as messy as the barn mentioned in that verse…but…some days it can be pretty rough. Pencils everywhere (except in a student’s hand when we are starting a spelling test – then there is nary a pencil to be found!). Little snowfalls of pencil and eraser shavings are sprinkled around individual desks.  Tiny pieces of paper litter the ground. Can we all just admit that kids are messy? They track goose poop all over your carpet when they come in from the soccer field. They mess up your perfectly organized classroom library. They don’t turn in their homework and make you chase them down for it. They get in fights with their friends. They whine. They tattle. They go CRAZY the week before vacation.

Their parents can be pretty messy, too…they forget to sign those forms; they stop to talk to you at inopportune moments; they forget to send their student with that special item needed that day. Sometimes they are upset over an issue, and that can be messy to deal with, too.

But for all of my students and their families’ messiness, their teacher is just one big mess, too.

You see, as my pastor pointed out that night – ministry is messy.

I get frustrated when I expect it to be otherwise. When I expect my 18 kiddos to sit perfectly and understand long division the first time I explain it and never forget their lunches and love each other and never disagree and be fully engaged in listening to my voice for about 35 hours a week…well, needless to say that my expectations get dashed within the first 10 minutes of a Monday morning!

Sometimes I think about what it would be like to work in a job where things aren’t so messy. I look at all of the sweat, heart, and soul that I pour into teaching and guiltily think that there has got to be something easier out there to do.

And you know what? I know there are easier jobs out there… but there aren’t many jobs that have this kind of return investment.

Just as that farmer would have a much easier job cleaning the barn if he didn’t have any oxen, I feel that sometimes I could be a great teacher…if it weren’t for the kids 😉 Yet, those oxen are worth the mess to the farmer because of all the benefits they bring to him.

And my own little messy classroom is worth it. I may get to see glimmers of the benefits this year in my class – that smile, note, or sweet words from a student or their parent. I have the opportunity to see how God is using my messy students to work on my own messy heart. But only when I cross into eternity will I get to see the true returns on my investment. Only in Heaven will I get to see the lives impacted and changed.

Maybe it won’t be hundreds of students that I have impacted…but if I can help even one child love Christ more and choose to serve Him, wouldn’t it all be worth it for just that one child? One changed life?

And when I stand before Christ to lay any rewards at His feet, I am not going to be thinking of all the messiness involved in teaching – the frustration, long hours and stacks of grading, the difficult students or parents. I am going to be praising Him for His faithfulness in helping me to steward my messy little piece of earth in a 3rd/4th grade classroom in Charlotte, NC.

I am going to thank Him for how he took a perfect mess and turned it into something so perfectly glorifying to Him.

Ministry is messy, but it’s worth it.

O Lord, you are my God;  I will exalt you; I will praise your name, for you have done wonderful things, plans formed of old, faithful and sure (Isaiah 25:1).

My sneakers pound the black belt of the treadmill. Faster. The speed picks up. Faster. The voice whispers again. I push harder. The treadmill picks up speed and I break into a sprint to keep up. Faster. Longer. Better. I gasp for breath but my sneakers keep pounding.

I blink and I realize it’s not the treadmill that’s pushing me – it’s me. Do more. The voice whispers. Be more.  Everything begins whirling as I frantically try to gain control and keep up. But it all goes faster and faster. Keep going. You’ve got to be better.

And as I try to keep up, I begin to wonder – when did I have to start being the best at everything?  The perfect student, the perfect teacher, the perfect friend, the perfect Christian? The girl who outwardly has everything together and knows exactly where she is going in life? The girl who can never slip up?

I am constantly running, trying to be faster, better, stronger. As exhaustion sets in, I grit my teeth and push through it.  My students need me. My family needs me. My church needs me. To admit I can’t do it all is weakness. To share my struggles with someone else makes me look needy. But I’m supposed to be the person who has it all together- weakness and neediness are not options. And so I push – harder and harder. I will be the best. I will succeed. And I will do it on my own.

And the treadmill spins out of control.

I fall down. Hard. Embarrassed. Glancing around to see if anyone witnessed my disgrace. The voice that urged me on now cruelly sneers at me. Way to blow it. What a failure. Did you really think you could be good enough? Now look what you’ve done – you’ve ruined it all! And I sit there on the cold ground as the treadmill keeps going beside me. But I’m not on it. And I wonder if I’ll ever be back on it.

Maybe I have failed in an aspect of my classroom management. Maybe I missed the deadline. Maybe I disappointed my administrator or my students’ parents. Maybe I let down my own family.

But as I sit there humiliated in the stillness, a kind voice calls to me. Come unto me and I will give you rest. Give me your heavy burden and take mine instead, for it is light, and you will find rest for your soul.

Tears stream down my face as I pant heavily. No, Lord, really, I can do it! Just give me another chance! I’ll try harder. I’ll do better.

 Daughter, you can’t do it. And that’s okay! You were not meant to be able to do it — to bear this burden of perfection. I have already borne it for you. I have taken it off your shoulders yet you insist on fighting me to try and take it back. Be still. Be still and know that I am God (and you are not!).

And it hits me – I am not God.  I am not perfect. I do not have everything under my control.  I can’t be enough for my students, their families, my family, and my church. I can’t meet all of their needs.

But God is  enough for them – and for me.  I just have to step back, slow down, and trust Him with what I can’t do.

So when my best is not good enough – when I fail? By God’s grace, He will help me to stand back up. He will put me back on the treadmill…but He puts His hand over the controls. He is the One who is going to set the pace this time. He knows what I can handle with His help.

He is not disappointed that I can only do a 2.0 mph pace instead of the 8.0 mph that I want to do.

He allowed me to spin out of control to bring me back to the point of dependence on Him. He knows that other than Satan, I am my own worst enemy!

It isn’t His voice I hear telling me that I am a failure. His voice is whispering,

I have loved you with an everlasting love…

Nothing shall be able to separate you from my love…

And knowing that God’s love for me didn’t change because I wasn’t good enough today? Well, I can face anything if I know that He still loves me! Back when I accepted Christ as my Savior, God knew I would fail. He didn’t adopt me into His family because He knew what an amazing addition I would be! He chose me, knowing full well all the ugliness and messiness I would bring along with me!

How thankful I am that I serve a God who rewards faithfulness, not perfection.

For the righteous falls seven times and rises again… (Prov. 24:16A)

Don’t you love stock photos of teachers?

The teacher with every hair perfectly in place…her beautiful unwrinkled button-down shirt. Her glistening white smile. The beautiful chalkboard behind her. Her students sitting in spotless desks with their hands eagerly outstretched, waiting patiently for their turn to talk.

It always looks so calm and peaceful. It doesn’t look like me or my classroom.

My hair is thrown back in a messy bun because I just don’t feel like dealing with it anymore. My shirt is covered in pen marks and fruit cocktail juice (from tearing off those plastic coverings on fruit cups at lunch). I choose to not look at the desks because they give me nightmares. My whiteboard is covered with marker residue, and I have forgotten to change the date at the top again. And the kid with the eagerly outstretched hand…he is already talking and just about falling out of his seat from waving it.

Some days, it’s just a little bit of chaos.

Maybe your classroom is never chaotic – you and your students really do look like those stock photos (you are my hero! Come help me, please!). But the chaos in your life comes from elsewhere – a diagnosis, a failing relationship, financial stress, a breaking heart over a wandering child.

God’s Word has so many examples of people whose lives are in chaos – men and women just like us who feel like they are spinning out of control. Yet many of these men and women still found joy and peace amidst the storms raging around them.

One of my favorite accounts in the Bible is the story of the disciples being tossed around in a boat during a great storm. They are probably struggling to hold on as the winds whip them around. The waves keep pounding their little boat, and soon the water is pouring in and filling up. They are panicked. They are freaking out as they bail water. They are doing everything they know how to do to try and save themselves.

And through it all, Jesus is right there with them…asleep.

The disciples rush over to wake Him up and the accusations fly out of their mouths before they can stop them.

Lord, don’t you care that we are perishing?

Oh, the cry of the overwhelmed soul! My heart knows it so well!

Lord, don’t you care that I just lost my teaching position and have to find a new one within a few months?

Lord, don’t you care that I am trying to juggle the demands of teaching with caring for a failing parent?

Lord, don’t you care that I am serving you but struggling to pay the bills?

Lord, don’t you care that I love children but can’t seem to have any of my own?

Lord, don’t you care that a loved one was just diagnosed with cancer?

Lord, don’t you care about the loneliness I feel?

Lord, don’t you care?

And as my heart cries out, the storm keeps raging around me…the water level keeps growing, and the wind threatens to knock me over.

Then, His voice slices through the storm.

Peace, be still.

Instantly the storm ceases.

Imagine the relief of the disciples – one minute they are bailing out water and saying their last prayers, and the next moment the sea is perfectly calm.

Jesus turns to them and lovingly confronts them,

“Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” (Mark 4:40)

You see, the circumstances had changed for the disciples…but one thing had not changed, and that was their Savior. Christ cut right to the heart of the matter – His disciples were panicking because of a lack of faith. Their gaze was on the storm…not their Savior.

Lack of peace stems from a lack of  faith and focus.

They were never going through that storm alone. Through it all, Christ was right there with His disciples. Yes, for awhile, He was silent…but He was still right there, and He knew exactly what was going on. He brought the disciples to the end of themselves so that He could direct their focus to where it should have been the entire time.

The disciples forgot (or did not truly know, based on their later response) who was in the boat with them.

The secret to peace in the midst of storms is remembering who is in the boat with you. 

God lovingly and ever so carefully brings us through storms to grow us closer to Him. No gust of wind or wave can break over your ship without Him knowing and allowing it. No storm is faced on your own. In fact, He has already successfully faced every storm that you will ever come up against and is waiting to help you to do the same.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are,yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:15-16)

Dear friend, whatever you are facing…you are facing it with Christ right by your side. He is growing your faith by bringing you to the point where you can do nothing else but turn to Him. He wants you to get to know who He is.

If the disciples truly had realized who was in the boat with them, they would have realized that He was…

• The Creator of all (Ps. 136:5-9, Ps. 95:4-6, Ps. 100:3)
• Sovereign (Is. 55:8-9, Ps. 115:3, Ps. 138:8)
• All-powerful (Jer. 32:17, Ps. 147:5)
• Loving (Ps. 94:18-19,Is. 54:7-10, Rom. 8:35, Jer. 31:3, Ps. 117:2)

In your storm, turn your gaze to whom your God is. Remind yourself of His promises. Cling to His character. Your chaos is not too much for Him to handle.

Peace, just like joy, is not a feeling that depends on circumstances. It’s a fruit that the Spirit grows in our lives as we get to know our God more and more.  Run to Him – knowing Him is the true and only source of lasting peace!

A few of my favorite resources if you are facing your own storm…

• A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23
• Trusting God Even When Life Hurts
• When God Doesn’t Fix It 
• What Do I Know About My God? a helpful resource on studying the Bible and gaining a notebook full of truth about your God that you can turn to in times of  difficulty or praise.
• Song: I Am With You – video explaining background of song with lyrics printed below; song available for purchase on iTunes
• Song: I’ll Never Forsake You – also available for download on iTunes

*Please note that I do not necessarily endorse every aspect of the above resources, but they are ones that I have personally found to be helpful for me!