Loving the Hard-to-love Student

Maybe you have gotten your class list for the upcoming school year and you were eagerly reading it when a name on the page brought you to a screeching halt.

You got THAT KID.

Of all the students that ended up in your class, you ended up with THAT KID.

He is legendary among his former teachers.

The stories you have heard about him are enough to get you to consider retiring at 35.

He may be obnoxious. She may be lazy. He may be disrespectful. She may be argumentative. He may be disliked by every other student. Whatever he may be, he will be a challenge.

Most teachers I know would take a bullet for any one of their kids. We love each and every one of our students…and yet that very student I would jump in front of a bullet for, I can act so unloving with in my daily interactions. I get tired of dealing with the same discipline issues. I get frustrated with their derailing of my plans. I just want them to learn their lesson! I want them to make my life easier! Why do they have to be so difficult?

When I look into God’s Word, I see so many examples of hard-to-love students.

That student who always spoke their mind…that was Peter.

That student who thought that they knew better than the teacher…Well, that was Peter, again.

That student who just never seemed to learn his lesson…that was the entire nation of Israel!

The student who turned against the One pouring His life into him…that was Judas.

The student who whined and complained no matter how much they had been given…that was…Wait. That is me. Don’t I look at all the blessings that God has given me and whine about what I don’t have?

Come to think of it…I am also that student who speaks her mind to God about what I do and don’t like about His plans for my life. I’m that student who turns her back on God and does her own thing many times. I’m the student that never seems to learn the lessons that God is teaching me. I’m the student that thinks I know better than the teacher.

Hmmm…could it just be that I am a hard-to-love student?

That despite all of the good things I may have done…really, I haven’t done anything that could possibly deserve God’s love? That before salvation, I was actually God’s enemy?

And, all of a sudden, that hard-to-love student and I have something in common. A BIG something! Neither one of us deserves love based on our actions and attitudes.

But, you know what? True love doesn’t depend on how much somebody deserves it. True love is unconditional. It is freely given.

How thankful I am that my Heavenly Father didn’t give up loving me. He didn’t love me because I was anything special. He didn’t love me because I deserved that love. He just loved me. That’s who He is.

He loved me so much, that even while I was His enemy, He sent His beloved Son to take my punishment.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8, emphasis added)

I have been shown such amazing grace and unconditional love even when I was at my worst.

How can I then, being loved and accepted despite my condition, turn to that hard-to-love student and just let them go?

Give up on them and ride out the year?

Constantly nag at them and their faults?

Speak harshly to them and about them?

Because, you know what? Who doesn’t love the kids who love them back? They’re the easy ones -the ones who scribble “best teacher ever” on their spelling tests, bring you treats and handwritten cards, and just float through your class following all of the rules. It takes a heart changed by Christ to love the student who blatantly disrespects you, shows no regard for your rules, and seems to hate your guts.

But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies [I certainly hope you don’t consider your student an enemy – but I think the principles here still apply!] , do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you…If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. (Luke 6:27-28, 32; emphasis added)

Lord, help me to show that student the unconditional love that you have shown to me.

Help me to  faithfully pray for that student…committing to pray for them every single day this year. It’s hard to spend that much time praying for someone without loving them.

Lord, help me to act loving even when I don’t necessarily feel loving. Help me to remember that love is a choice. It is not a feeling. Even when I am struggling with this student, help me to find the next loving thing that I can do for them.

That may mean sending them back to their seat so I can have a moment to pray before dealing with the discipline issue.

That may mean actively looking for something that I can praise them for or thank them for doing.

That may mean slipping a note inside of their desk for them to discover the next day.

That may mean asking them to join me for lunch or an after school snack in the classroom.

That may mean giving up some of my desires and rights to find a way to serve that student. It will mean sacrifice. But the sacrifices I may make don’t come close to the sacrifice that was made for me!

Lord, help me to remember that if this student is hard for me to love, he is probably hard for others to love. If I don’t show him your love, who will?

And most of all, thank you for loving this hard-to-love student so much that you sacrificed all to adopt me into your family. You knew what you were getting – and yet you still chose me.

When I show love to that hard-to-love student, I am living out a picture of the Gospel.  Lord, help this hard-to-love teacher love as she has been loved.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. (John 13:34-35)